Across Continents

Ken's Blog

Nostalgia

March 21st, 2011

Secret longing for Soda Stream, Wagon Wheels, Radio Rentals? Even Egg Nog? Maybe not. But a time when things were, well, less fraught? Shops mostly closed by five pm. Bit more time to spend with family and friends. Perhaps get involved with your local Lions Club. Then Australia, Queensland certainly, is the place for you.

But hurry. Times are a changing. Utilities being sold off. Privatised. De-regulation gathering apace. Dairy industry couple of years ago. Growing "’ealth and safety" culture. Mobile dog grooming. Dubious hallmarks of a sophisticated society.

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Your nuts, m’lord

March 20th, 2011

In much of Central Asia and China, frequently asked how much Emma, my trusty steed, was worth. "Gift from my parents" I’d say, politely avoiding the issue. Australia. Am I "nuts" they ask. Often. Honest question. Honest answer. "Yes" I admit. Even said it on camera. Piece for local TV news.

Joking of course. After all, I’m early forties, usually refer to Emma and I as "we". Have mascots called Skippy the kangaroo and Wallace the Wallaby. And I’m cycling around the world. Alone. Quite sane. Just wanted to clear that up. Leaving enough time for a quick round of Pooh Sticks before dinner.

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Skin care

March 20th, 2011

Never mind the temperatures in the Tropics. In the thirties. Or the humidity. Stifling. Debilitating. No. The real threat is the intense ultra violet. In northern Queensland, rated Extreme. Even on overcast days. So never neglect your skin care routine. Venture out without sun block at your peril. As this local seems to have done…

Croc - web

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Roo-sh hour

March 19th, 2011

Roosign - web

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Synchronised swimming

March 19th, 2011

Synch - web

Crocodile synchronised swimming team. Despite their lack of elegance and closely cut swimsuits, unopposed winners. Even in their first season. Rival teams disappearing without trace.

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South to Sydney

February 22nd, 2011

ken-in-oz-web

It was all my fault. Claudia had mentioned on Facebook she’d been busy drawing a kangaroo in wellies. Drew a few wry comments from friends. Admittedly, she does live in Wales. As I used to. Wet there it may be. But not, surprisingly, as much as Queensland. Truth is, a welly wearing marsupial might be a good mascot. Must drop Premier Anna Bligh a line.

Queensland has a lot to offer. There’s been floods and cyclones for starters. Crocodiles a little more elusive. But it only takes one to eat you. Just when this might all get a bit passe – so last season – there’s been an outbreak of Dengue Fever. Worst of all, even the cuddle critters fight like girls. Not the slightest notion of Queensberry Rules. Laugh a minute. I’ve loved it. Apart from the bit with influenza. I mean, in the Tropics?

The plan is to follow the east coast from Cairns to Sydney. But onward to Melbourne is looking very tempting. Reliable sources suggest there may be penguins. And then there’s the Australian Alps. The idea of going from Tropics to Alpine pasture increasingly irresistible. True, never seen an aquatic, flightless bird in Switzerland. But I hope you get the picture.

And, much more adjacently, I hope the Aussies get the map’s humour. For which I’m hugely indebted to Claudia for taking my incoherent scribblings and turning them into something with sharp wit. A professional maritime artist, illustrator and author. The ideal choice for Queensland. Please do take the trouble to visit her website – click here – some great nautical themed cards, books and prints.

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Bush tucker

February 21st, 2011

Finally. A really close encounter with a crocodile. Rare. Well, medium rare. And an emu. Plus kangaroo. On a plate. Very tasty. And yes. My favourite predator does taste like chicken. Little bit salty. But quite delicious.

I’d Niall to thank for the experience. A fellow cyclist I’d be introduced to through an old friend. We’d met for beer and a feed – nosh or grub – and he’d very generously treated me to a selection of steaks and sausage. Sharing tales of cycling commuting and a love of decent coffee.

Left wondering what wallaby or koala might taste like. Problem is, eat anything cuddly looking and you risk hate mail. Reckon my Skippy steak’s borderline…

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Little and large

February 17th, 2011

E-mail from an old family friend. He’d visited northern Queensland some years ago. Birdwatching. Sharper eye than mine. Noticing a certain statue of Captain Cook had something of a dubious salute. Had it inspired Adolf Hitler, he joked? A grain of truth? Well, the swastika is based on a Buddhist symbol.

Nazi saluting black Bavarian gnome
Cook - web

Controversial? Seems Captain Cook is a bit like the proverbial yeast extract. Loved or hated in roughly equal measure. His arrival in Australia oft described by indigenous people as invasion. And the statue in Cairns? A well-known, if unofficial, landmark or any eye-sore beside the main north-south highway? The community split.

He’s been re-sited at least once. And has had a change of clothes. Used to sport a blue jacket with yellow buttons. Advised he’s also had some repairs in the trouser department.

Captain Cook and his dubious salute
Gnome - web

Cairns isn’t alone in displaying "art" some find distasteful. Even controversial. Back along the river Danube, in the small German town of Straubing, there were Nazi saluting black Bavarian gnomes. Ironic art, I hasten to add, rather than any resurgence of Fascist ideology.

[Author’s note: With especial thanks to Mike for his sharp eye and dry wit]

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Kangaroos in the top paddock

February 2nd, 2011

"Solo British cyclist seeks partner for Alaska. Summer 2011. Spatially aware women welcome. No dogs, beards or obsessives. GSOH and own teeth essential. Must be solvent, non-smoker and good conversationalist"

Few problems are unsolvable. But the solution to this one was proving to be a bit elusive. Trying to sketch out a small ad. Solo cyclist seeks riding partner for Alaska. Difficulty was how to phrase it so as to ward off those who have a few errr.. kangaroos in the top paddock.

Easy enough to scribble down the requirements. But expressing them with suitable decorum. Quite another matter. I’d jotted down what I might want to say – see above – as much for sheer amusement as anything else. The best humour, they say, being based on fact…

Complicating matters was the little issue of what to do with the ad. Where to place it. I’d been quick to rule out "Private Eye". And "Solo Cyclists Monthly" has yet to appear on the newstands. Might have to take my chances alone with the Alaskan bears. Or the loneliness monkeys… not seen them for a while…

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(In)decent proposals

January 24th, 2011

Nil. The number of marriage proposals. I’d been asked to provide a few statistics for some cycling magazine websites. Offered the usual favourites. Punctures. Tyres. Brake pads. But couldn’t resist sneaking in a few less conventional ones. Bribes paid. Bizarre places slept. And offers to become my next wife.

Beginning to feel a bit nervous that my humour might come back to haunt me. Good job I’d not mentioned some of my more tongue-in-cheek criteria. Like no beards. Bit picky I know. Life on the road does strange things to you.

Suppose I’d better head off now. Stake out. Cairns Public Library. Dusk. Darkening skies. Mustn’t forget the umbrella. And it’s not to shield me from rain or sun. No. Something far more unpleasant. Meanwhile, you can always take a look at the latest online article at Road.cc magazine.

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